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More and More Free Jokes

More and more free clean jokes for you pleasure. How good am i supplying you with all this laughter.

Funny free jokes about hunters

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: My friend is dead What can I do
The operator says Calm down, I can help. First lets make sure he's dead.
There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard.
The man comes back to the phone and say right now what.

free ugly baby jokes

A woman gets onto a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says, Thats the ugliest baby that Ive ever seen.
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down fuming.
She says to a man next to her The driver just insulted me
The man say You go right up there and tell him off.
Go ahead Ill hold your monkey for you

golf joke

A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course.
One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap closes his eyes and bows in prayer.
His friend says Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen.
You truly are a kind man
The man then replies Yeah, well we were married 35 years.

doctor doctor joke

This woman rushes to see her doctor looking very much worried and all strung out.
She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out and I had this corpse-like look on my face
What's wrong with me, Doctor
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes then calmly says
Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight

free jokes about the army

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly.
The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say
Thats not it and put it down again.
This went on for some time until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested.
The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said That's it.

free woman joke

A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
How wonderful But i hope you don"t mind me asking what happened to your first husband
He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.
how tragic What about your second husband
He ate poisonous mushrooms, too and died.
Oh how terrible Im almost afraid to ask you about your third husband.
He died of a broken neck.
A broken neck she askes
yeah He wouldnt eat the mushrooms

free joke about a priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous that he could hardly speak.
After mass, he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied,
When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip.
The next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon when he got nervous
he took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door
Sip the vodka don't gulp.
There are 10 commandments not 12.
There are 12 disciples not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey he did not bet his ass.
We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as daddy, junior, and the spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit outta him.
When David was hit by a stone and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
We don't refer to the cross as the Big T.
When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper, he said, Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say EAT ME.
The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the cherry.
The recommended grace before a meal is not Rub-a-dub-dub thanks for the grub yeah God.
There will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters not a Peter pulling contest at St. TaffYs.

Long But funny joke about a frog

One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner. The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first. The bear thought for a minute and being the male he was said, I wish for all the bears in this forest besides me, to be female. For his wish the rabbit asked for a crash helmet and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit wasting his wish like that. It was the bears second turn for a wish. I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well. The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these stupid things, after all he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle. For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, I wish that all the bears in the world besides me were female. The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine and said, I wish that the bear was gay.

long funny joke

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months later on my birthday my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas. Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight. He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: Happy Birthday